Prison and Paradise
By L.Galarosa

Whenever vacation comes, I become so lonely, instead of being relieved. I feel this way, not because I'll miss my crush but because I know I am not going home - again.

Approaching the Town of Mahatao

For the past three years, I have felt this certain kind of isolation whenever the vacation approaches. This is because I cannot afford the plane fare to Batanes. For three years, I have been longing to catch a glimpse of paradise again. Many times, I imagine myself being on top of a hill, watching the sun as it slowly hides itself in the horizon. But for three years, I never knew where the sun rises and sets. I didn't even know where was north and where was south.

When I was in Batanes, my guide was the North Star, or the different children of nature. Here, I am guided by different road signs that I easily forget. Oftentimes, I get lost because I become so lulled with the road intersections and all the buildings around me. My surroundings are very complicated that I always get nervous. I have never felt secured ever since.

I remember my first trip to Manila. Once I came out of the bus, I began to feel dizzy; I felt my guts, forcing their way to my throat. My body refused to accept the taste of pollution, so that for a while, I literally stopped breathing. Once my body was full of it, it didn't resist anymore. And just like a bird, I have adapted to my new 'habitat.' Yet, when I looked around, I didn't know where to go. The city seemed so disorganized.

However I still felt a tingle of excitement running through me. 'This is it!' I said to myself, 'The city, at last!'

But the rise of excitement pays with a sudden emotional downfall. Now, I constantly become a prisoner in the four walls of my room. Most of the time, I have no choice but to lock myself in this dark room, feeling bored and unhappy. I don't know if the sun has set or the sun has risen because there are no mountains, no oceans to look at. I can't look at the North Star because the window is barred with screen. I can only look at the ceiling and think of my old happy days.

Recently, I asked a friend who just came home for a visit. She said Batanes is very different now. There are many new things. New houses, new people, new everything. I felt happy, because that is a very positive change. However, as I thought deeper, I sensed something that made me become a bit troubled. Change is change. Somehow, this will involve change in all aspects - whether it be good or bad. And the scary parts of change are the negative ones.

Admit it or not, we Ivatans tend to overlook the negative things. Sometimes, we believe too much from the people who came from outside because we feel that they are smarter than us. This certain faith and dependence takes away our sense of reason - whether it is good for us or not. Many times, we simply follow the trend. If a classmate joins a 'frat,' we join too, because everybody does it.

I admit that I'm also lured by the trends I see around me. But through time, I have learned to look at things differently. And that is my way of getting out of trouble.

The Town of Mahatao

The Ivatan tribe is developing, and I take pride in saying that I belong to this tribe. And because of this I have all the right to care and to fear what might happen to it. Batanes is now becoming popular, even around the world. And that's because of one reason: it is unique.

It is good to accept progressive change, because for it, we will bear more pride in belonging to our group. But this change doesn't mean that we will gradually forget our culture and our paradise land that made our trademark in this world. If we begin to forget our history and become ensnared in the mighty hands of development, we will no longer be unique - and little by little, the world will forget the great paradise of the north.

Its about time for me to go back. Come March, my friends will be asking me again whether I'll be going home or not. At that time, I will no longer hold back the tears, knowing that I would be a prisoner once again. Just like in a dream, I would be flying high, together with the clouds, eager to see the beauty of my home again.

I will go home, knowing that the beauty I once knew will not be corrupted by selfish intentions. I will go home, knowing that the sun will rise and set at the same place; and the North Star will still be my guide in looking for north and south. I will go home knowing that my hill will still stand there, not washed away by floods. And I will go home knowing that I'm once again in the paradise, which is special and unique from all of God's creations.

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BatanesOnline.com would like to thank Ms. L. Galarosa of Mahatao for contributing the above article and for allowing us to share it with the Ivatan community.